Analysis of My Sirius

I'm laying in the bed,
with dark thoughts in my head.
The thoughts that turn into my heart's shred,
As I look at the beauty of someone laying and dead.

I thought everything was just a dream.
I'm ok, but I'm not fine 'cause my eyes are cream.
A creamy eyes that makes me blind,
but it's clear that I have feet but I can't stand.

I am lost in the darkness but you are my sirius.
You showed life and it's mysterious.
Though I feel pain and it's sad.
I pushed you, became selfish and made you sad and mad.

I am a sinner  and I know 'cause it's obvious.
Why love me if it's  dangerous?
Everytime I hear the clock, my heart shakes.
The solemn night was drowning me and killing me awake.

Someone accepts me but she's a liar.
She's my mom who knows I'm fragile.
She's the best and I'm not.
I feel sorry but sorry is not enough.

She works hard for me and provide the things I wanted.
It's such a shame  that I'm not contented.
Sad memories but those are reality.
How come we are a   victim of poverty?

One day she didn't came home,
I'm worried and was left alone.
No calls and  text, 'till someone told me that she's already gone.
My life seems   already done.

My liar mother didn't tell me she's sick.
Seeing her laying in  the coffin makes me want the horse kick.
I wanted  those kicks 'till I became numb.
But damn my heart exploded like a bomb.

I touched your face and you looked happy.
You are beautiful and whispered as I  say.
"If I do my best  in school and become a better person, mom, can you wake up?"
"Promise   I will be on top but please stand  up!"

You didn't respond but a tear came out from your eye.
A cold wind embraced me as it passed by.
I saw her soul leaving me with a smile.
A smile visibly showed unconditional love until she died.