Analysis of Confusion in my Mind
I think about what to say
Oh lord pave the way
I don’t want to misplace my trust
But I gotta tell her, I must
Looking back on what we’ve said
Like when we spoke about going to bed
I worry it’ll happen again
I worry I’ll be back to where I’ve already been
What did she say when we would talk
Versus what she said about her walk
Lord, you know her better than I
I have a reason to be shy
My eyes are blind, so help me see
She’s put her trust in me
Will I return the favor
Will I be the one to save her
The pressure is on
I’m waiting for the dawn
To break
Maybe then you’ll show me my fate
Until then I’ll keep quiet
I just hope that they’ll buy it
That’s what life is isn’t it
All the world’s our stage
Shakespeare was right,
‘Cause we’re all the actors
We pretend
We lie
I might not be able to preform
In front of a crowd,
But I can mourn
The loss of friends
And where I’ve been
But it won’t be happening again
I feel this pressure
My grasp is slipping
And soon my words will too
I just don’t know what to do
I want to share what they don’t know
The things about me, that I don’t show
But when I think
I hear a creak
As fear tries to creep in
Why can’t I be open to my own kin
I think about telling her
But I just can’t be sure
I get scared and I know it sounds wrong
But it won’t be long
The scared takes my breath away
Of the words I might say
I try to take some deep breathes
And clear up my head, that is a mess
I try to think about God
And peace
But a little glimpse of what might be
Of all the things that I cannot see
I feel like I’m a ball
I can’t be it all
I have a hole
The air is seeping out
I need the air to live, to breathe
But I can’t live with thoughts like these
I am overthinking
But if it happens again…
Hurl her into the deepest pit
The one where she has all her fits
Ruin her life
And break her soul
Make her into something cruel
Take away love, and give her hate
God please tell me that isn’t my fate!!!
I know you’re probably so confused
But that’s ok, I’ve got nothing to lose
Fridge! You got me again
That was a lie
I just don’t want to be tie-d up
I have everything to lose
If you could see my soul
It’d have horrible posture
Weighed horribly by the secrets I’ve kept
Mine, theirs, everyone’s
My biggest ones
are what made me so worrisome
I’ll never trust,
Never be so innocent as I once was
The biggest secrets are
The ones I hint at
Too big to show,
Too big to tell
So I give little hints
Little behind the scenes.
I need to say it,
at least to someone.
I barley opened up to my friends,
Now one is crying
She can feel my emotions
And I’m so scared
A year of pent up feelings
And I didn’t even tell them the details
I have to stop there
As she’s hiding behind her hair
She can feel my rage, my wrath
My hurt, my pain, my slipping grasp
She looks up to me in confusion
Pain flashes through her weak smile
I know I’ve taken it the extra mile
I feel so bad, of what I’ve done
She can’t carry it
Reminds me of you,
You’re too young! I tell myself
You shouldn’t have to carry these things
Yes I was young too,
Just like you
When I faced those things
But I carry them
‘Cause if I forget
It might happen again
But it might be real
She’s gotta stop feeling the things I feel!!!
Please stop!
Just let it drop!
If I can barely carry it all
I know you’ll break when you first fall
It’s a miracle on it’s own
How I have survived this far
If I was normal like anyone
I’d have broken in 2 days
I lost my friend, I was betrayed
Stabbed in the back
But somehow after 2 days
I lived like life was fine and normal
I had a high with God
I always look back with awe
At the things I saw
To circle back
To the start
The pressure I feel,
And, oh, it’s real
It’s peer pressure from those who speak
So freely
They don’t have to worry.
Saying where they live
Saying their age
Saying the time
I am the one who always see’s
When my friends are hurting
And when they are hiding
My gift is to see
But they can’t see me
That’s the curse of this blessing
But now they need me
But I need God
I wish it were May
Not caring about courtney
Not being sad about Grandpa
‘Cause God was alive in me
I asked for bravery
I asked to be able
To help those around me
I got new friends
I saw people through your eyes
I no longer needed a disguise
When it all faded away
I though I was insane
You gave me the spirit
Scared the heck out of me though :)
Talking to Jesus by maverick city
Singing all day long
Throwing water balloons into the sky
Not even batting and eye
At those cars rushing by (now it’s always courtney)
Thought it was Jesus
Next was God
Then the spirit
Same thing all one
Boy that was fun
I miss it all
The fun, the running
I was brave and bold
Asked someone to church
I cried that night
Last time was Her
And we know how that went
But she said yes, I was so happy
Gave a girl a note from you
Next time I saw her she had
A cross necklace
You used me back then
But now that hope is gone
Track’s starting again
My friend quit
My best friend’s doing soccer
Jill is going to be gone and I know it
I’m doing it for you
And for Julia too
I remember Jill in 5th grade
Making fun of her behind her back
Yet getting angry when my brother stole her hat
Talking to others about
Her horrible outfit
How her dances are stupid
How she try’s too hard
Scowls of disgust when
She walks out of earshot
But I’m a great kid of course!
I prayed for my teacher
So why would it matter
How I treated such a weird kid?
I never thought of myself as a bully…
At Girls On The Run she always
Got the most laps
Gotta be lying, she’s too slow
That’s what I’d say, but what did I know?
She got ten, and I got 4
I’ve seen her run, she isn’t able
I hung her up by a mental cable
Showing her flaws to the world to see
Yup, that was me
Kate, yeah that one
The kind student
Who never did anything wrong!
Sure I had bad grades,
But I was kind and caring
In 6th grade I got this thought
It was of her
I realized what I did
I was a horrible person
I apologized and told her
She could do anything
Next year I see her at track
7th grade, when it all came back
I asked to pray for her, she said no
But that wouldn’t stop me so,
I still helped
I still stayed by her side
Turns out, she needed someone
She asked for help
And I… Saved her!?
This isn’t to brag, but to show the
Things I have had
The things I gave away,
The things God’s still working in me today
She is so broken it hurts my soul
Abusive father, jumps when people speak too loudly
Now a separated family
Her brother, her closest friend
Hours away at college
Her rock, he knows God
But she’s been scared away from that too, by him
Socially awkward, she had no friends
She got Sarah, Sam, and now one more
But she’s at lunch
And she’s hunched
Over her iPad, hair hiding her earbuds
As she slips into the world of peace
She doesn’t understand you
But she needs a new
Life, a new day
Looking down, eyes on the floor
I know she’s hiding more
Ash, laying on the couch
A moment of supposedly hidden doubt and worry
I see it go through her eyebrows, her forehead
It’s crinkled in worry, her eyes show pain
Just a flash, as she lays sprawled
Open for a moment
No one would notice
No one but me, the one who can always see
Next she’s smiling at something not known
Split up parents
A house too big
Too much on her plate
She try’s to fill those gaps
Up with unpure things
Her feelings hurt
By the closest ones
Her father, a drug addict
Found wandering the library
Where she is
She doesn’t say it
But I know she wants to see
What would happen
But when she see’s him
It’s just like Court
Pure fear, like a cornered animal
No escape, she changes her mind
She just broke up, in 6th grade
Now she is scared
My friend, her parents are making her a new shell
Now she has a hide hole
One she crawls into when the news turns on
Politic’s is all she knows
No escape, I can’t find the answer
I ask God for help, but don’t have much time to listen
I look at the ‘Poems’ forum
I see what you wrote
We’re not the same
But you hide things
I know why I like you so much,
Why we are such great friends
Because you can see
Maybe not just like me
But you tell me God’s got it under control
That it’ll be ok
Yet, I never asked for help
You know I need it
Crazy, I’ve been praying for someone like you
I was her answered prayer, Jill’s too
Now you’re mine
I know the things you hide
Things that have been done
May not be exact
But I know it’s big
I know you think little of yourself
That you aren’t capable
You are new to this kind of thing
You worry you’ll make a mistake in what you say
You worry every passing day
You are lonely
Your family is all you’ve known
Maybe a few people here or there
Your small group is your home
Without you’d be lost
You’re insecure about yourself
You worry what people will think
That worry clouds your judgement
I’ll end it there too.
Scheme | Text too long |
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Poetic Form | |
Metre | 1101111 11101 11110111 11101011 1011111 1111011011 11011001 1101111110101 11111111 101110101 11101011 11010111 11111111 110101 1101010 11101110 01011 110101 11 10111111 0111110 1111111 111111 101101 111 101010 101 11 11111011 01101 1111 0111 0111 111110001 11110 11110 011111 1111111 11111111 010111111 1111 1101 111110 1111101111 1101100 111111 111011111 11111 0111101 101111 1111111 011111101 1111011 01 101011111 110111101 111101 11111 1101 011101 11011111 11111111 111 1111001 10010101 01111101 1001 0101 10011010 10110101 11111111 111100101 1111111011 111101 1101 111111111 111011 111111 1110010 1100101011 111 1101 11111100 1101 10111001111 010101 01111 1111 1111 111101 100101 11111 1111 110101111 11110 1111010 0111 0111110 0111011001 11111 11100101 1111111 11111101 111110010 1101011 1111010101 11111111 11101 01111 111111 11111011 11111 111 11111 11101 11101 111001 11111 1101100111 11 1111 111101011 11111111 10100111 1110111 11110110 111001 11111101 1001 11101 111111010 110111 111111 10111 1101 101 01011 0111 11101111 110 111110 10111 1011 1001 1101111 111110 011110 11111 11111 1011110 11111 1111 11101 1100110 1101011 1110101 111100 111110 111011 1111 1110111 111010001 1111001 111101 111010 1011111 10110110010 10111 1010010101 1101001 11110111110 11110 111 1010 1111 1111 1111 01010 11101 1111 1111 1110 011111 111111110 1010111 1111011 0110 11111 111111 11001 111 1111010 11101110111 110111 01101 101010111 101100101 110101110101 1011001 01001 1010110 11111 11011 11111 1101111 111110 111110 11101011 1101111010 1110111 1011 10110111 111111111 111011 11011110 1101101010 100110111 1111 1111 0110 1101101 11111 1111010 01111111 1110 110111 11010010 1010010 11110 1111011 11111111 111110111 111111 111 111101 111101 1111 0110 11111110 1111 011101 0111100101 111101111 0101011101110 10100100 0100101 1001110 01111 11110111111 100101111 111010111 1111 011 100111001 111010111 11011 11101 1011 1011101 111101 110101 01010100101010 1111101010 110100111 1011111 101010 11110 1111011111 111011011 1110 0111 11101 111111 1111 0101 10101 0100101 1100010 111 1111 1111111 1110 11111 1111 111010100 10111001 11110111 1111 110101100011 111011 1110110111 101111 101111010 1111111111110 11101010 11111 0101 1111 11111111 111111 01111 101111 11111111001 11111 1110111 11111 1011101111 11010111 111 110111 11111 11101 11111 111110101 1110100 11111111 110110010111 110100101 1110 11001111 100110111 111111 01111 11000101 11011011 1101110 11111 |
Closest metre | Iambic trimeter |
Characters | 9,119 |
Words | 1,986 |
Sentences | 15 |
Stanzas | 121 |
Stanza Lengths | 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 1, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 3, 2, 3, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 3, 2, 2, 6, 4, 4, 4, 3, 3, 4, 5, 3, 3, 4, 3, 3, 2, 4, 2, 3, 4, 3, 3, 1, 4, 3, 3, 4, 6, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 3, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 2, 4, 4, 4, 3, 4, 3, 4, 3, 3, 1 |
Lines Amount | 327 |
Letters per line (avg) | 21 |
Words per line (avg) | 6 |
Letters per stanza (avg) | 56 |
Words per stanza (avg) | 15 |
About this poem
A poem I wrote waaayyyy back in March.
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Written on March 03, 2022
Submitted by katherineb.45444 on May 03, 2022
Modified on March 29, 2023
- 9:56 min read
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"Confusion in my Mind" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 5 Jun 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem-analysis/125967/confusion-in-my-mind>.
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