Analysis of My Purgatory

How long have I held my breath in for?
This weight I feel has been too much;
A heavy burden to have carried with me.
What will it take?
How far can I honestly go?
I'm burning up excessively;
A self-induced fever of sorts it seems.
How much could she really meant to me?
A day without her feels like I'm in Hell;
Yet I'm really just a ghost.
Did she ever notice me?
Or have I just been lying to myself?
A gentle kiss;
Yet a hateful glance.
Did I go wrong somewhere?
How long has it been,
Since I've reached this purgatory?
This heart of mine feels like its twisting.
Is it psychological?
How messed up could I really be?
When I look into her eyes,
I am captivated;
Yet in this realm I'm roaming free.
How long has she felt this way?
That feeling of loneliness.
Has she always been that beautiful?
Am I dreaming again?
I did something selfish to her,
And now all I feel is regret.
Finally I have seen what I have done.
I assumed I meant nothing
And took my own life.
How long has she been holding her breath?
This weight she's endured was because of me.
I let her down.
Watching her tears fall was enough for me.
This will always be my purgatory....