Seesaw

I only find my heart
unlayered & layed wide open
on operating on a table
 (like a true Christian)
 under the sharp shards
 of a broken bottle.
Once the alcohol drowns  
out the shame of drinking
I can speak to God
unshackled from the shambled mountain
I’ve built in my mind
Unfettered from the freezing temperatures the untempered world has turned
on my once warm love
lukewarm & wormed
into the dirty earth

I used to rage in the red
call out the dead
when the liquor fed
my mind in need of meds
Now, knowing His love,
it’s a seesaw of sin & acceptance until the expectance
is behind stained glass
& I can hide my guilt
 behind the guise
of the breaking up of colors
The hues of hopelessness
My mind in rainbowed renaissance.
black & white runs together
into grays
& out of the shadows of my past
( colorless before Christ)
the heist of my heartless
mind over mining  
the intertwined  inner workings
Of the One
true thing of worth.