Until the heavens open

      Until the heavens open


Under the morning light and my eyes peak open
Nobody is there beside me again
Tonights dream was the same as the last
I always seem to be searching for what I can't have
Long and hard I have been searching for the same thing

To many times have I brought people in and they just leave
How easy it is for some people who have had care in life
Even though people with families can take them for granted

Having someone that you can count on to be there
Even when you don't know that you need their help
All my life I have been trying to get just a little of that
Visiting only on holidays and some weekends is all I saw
Even though they kept sending me away, I craved for a taste
Needing something to cling onto but it wasn't mine
So many people refused to try to understand my thoughts

Only one person saw something and showed me grey
People have always had reasons to give up on me
Erasing any hope of me belonging, but I still hope it's there
Not knowing what it should look like I have trusted wrongly

Telling everyone that I have always been the problem
Of two things I have sworn they she manipulated to break

But even she rejected me and yet I still hunger for love
Risking things to find it even because it can't be forbidden
I haven't endured this long just to be denied to actually feel it
No running to mom because I scraped my knee
Gripped by her addiction she chose not to see her duty

Plucked out of her arms her mom naturally opened hers
Except for the fact that I had something wrong with me
A cootie that nobody would teach me how to see it
Calling me uncontrollable when I saw things in my own eyes
Examples of my exploits as a child some still see in me

With pitchforks and skin I paid as my reward for my sight
Each person I have met have left their marks in some way
Love and knowing that I had foundation were not in my life
Caring people have helped in their own ways and moved on
Often I think of them and so I feel that I have to do the same
Mistaking voicing my opinion and fighting seem the same
Eventually I have to think that someone will finally care

Eating away at me like a festering scar across my soul
After so long you would think that it would have faded
Caught on the idea that life doesn't have to be this way
How though can I trust that I won't again close my eyes

Daring to open myself up only to be rejected in the end
After figuring out that I am an acquired taste nothing new
Yet I know that someday when I least expect the bug will hit

As the sun goes down it should erase the worry of yesterday
So that the next morning you know can choose to start new

A time machine would be a great invention but of no use

For my part, I took things peers did as an attack as I saw
Really some of it was just bad jokes I didn't understand
Even today I anger people with how my words come out
So the past is something that can't really be changed
Holding onto it isn't something you should do though

No I do wish that a lot of things never happened but it did
Erasing the bad would only leave you vulnerable and blind
Without the experience you don't know who you would be


All of your experiences give knowledge of how the world is
Dwelling on the past though is a very heavy weight
Victims of abuse hide so well but the cost is to high
Eventually things end but they are forever changed
No our experience dictate somethings as well as chemistry
To think that I am the only broken coyote is impossible
Ultimately we are our experiences and learn from them
Realistically women dominate the earth seven to one
Even finding one who accepts my presence may be the on