A Difficult Route

When I was young, struggling with a conclusion
I often ponder how I survived so much confusion
I listened intensely but did not hear
Another casualty of intense fear
An infant looking for a way out
So I grew close to both booze and doubt
My two best friends in a morbid universe
Born cursed, it seems to only get worse
I found no strength in a hopeful forthcoming
How could I, lost my way off course running
Trying to escape tragedy chasing me
Frightful to confront what was facing me
Following closely like a monster in a dream
A dark dimension with a familiar, sinister theme
Breathing heavy unsure what is real
Unwilling to change but wanting to heal
How could I ever elude the beast on two feet
Let alone win the race when we eventually meet
It was just me comforted by my sick logic
To rationalize my thinking was simply comic
For two decades I ran, then ran more endlessly
Escaping my problems I considered rest to me
Eventually I got tired of avoiding the leviathan
I needed a proper method to conquer my sin
Finally admitted I could not do it on my own
God near I now new I could genuinely atone
So I changed my behavior, then life changed
Pieces to a coherent puzzle became arranged
Now as I continue with positive progress
Dealing with the negative addictions is even less
I still have a longer, winding road to travel
Yet I fear little when I know I have God in battle