The Brotherhood

Hailey 2007



This is my rifle. There are many like it but this one is mine.
I go off to fight with only one thought in mind.
I will defend my country with all that I’ve got. Trying not to forget to tie a simple square knot.
So much in my head and so little time, I make every decision at the flip of a dime. Shoot the right targets, don’t fall asleep on watch, earn every badge, and stamp into my dog tag an identifying notch.
My rifle without me is useless. Without my rifle I am useless.
I’ll carry this flag to the grave if I must. It’s a flag that I love, a flag that I trust.
Every ceremony decorated in dress blues, to show the world that I am true.
I’ll be a marine until the day I die, motivated and Semper Fi.
My rifle is human even as I, because it is my life.
I don’t want to forget even if I could.
We are the marines, the brotherhood.
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Written on March 23, 2024

Submitted by becki_f on March 23, 2024

54 sec read
15

Quick analysis:

Scheme ABCDEFGHIJJ
Characters 856
Words 182
Stanzas 1
Stanza Lengths 11

Discuss the poem The Brotherhood with the community...

2 Comments
  • Nebula7693
    As a veteran who has fought in war, I wish you the best. That said, I have to say this work is in need of work. I love the message you are trying to convey, but, quite simply, it is very difficult to read. Rhyme is erratic. Metering is virtually non-existent. Form is lazy. It appears that you are trying to mix free verse with two or three structured forms. I am all for experimenting with forms, but in this case, it doesn't work. I am not usually so harsh in my critiques, but you are a Marine, I know you can handle it and will understand with professional detachment my intention is only to help you improve. 
    LikeReply1 month ago
  • EdwinRayTanguma
    For some silly reason 2 Ezekiel verses come to mind with this one…Ezekiel 14:20 and Ezekiel 25:17…But I’m sorry to say seeing that I have chosen to remain single for life 25:17 is pretty much out the window… 
    LikeReply1 month ago

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"The Brotherhood" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/183616/the-brotherhood>.

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