Yellow Flower

Subtle Signs
I chose to ignore
I wanted to be loved
So deeply and true,
I honestly didn't think it mattered by who.
I just wanted to belong
deep and intensely
Like lyrics of a love Song

Another Cold one
Take me to the store
Words that still sting
deep in my core

Locked in a union
Seven years of bad luck
controlled by a narcissist.
Bullied by the hour
A never ending chaos
In which I was stuck.

As the days ,months and years passed by
I often would stare up
and wonder why
I
I never felt love, peace or joy
I didn't know calm or simplicity.
It was just constant commotion
I was never enough
How could be this be the life intended for  me?

I recall the day
I was locked out in the rain
My heart by then had been battered
emptied and broken
There was nothing left not a word to be spoken.
I bargained with God
Something had to give
I didn't want to die there
I wanted to live

At least two hours had passed
I was soaked through and through
I was shivering , cold to the bone
The door had finally opened
as he waved me in I heard him angerly whisper
Welcome Home.

As i showered and regained some heat I desperately tried
to keep my mind from spinning on repeat.
As i stepped out I tried not to even breath for once the beast was finally passed out asleep.

As I laid again alone in my bed
My Pleads with God danced through my head
I remember clearly saying ,"if this is truly the life laid out for me, Id rather be dead.

Somewhere along that night ,I managed to rest.
In the morning I pulled myself up and out of that depression I gazed out the window for a sign of the Lords redemption

I never noticed her before
But His message was clear. The rain had watered ,my thirsty Florida  lawn
Uprooting her Glorious Bloom for that Final dawn.