Struggles

I struggle to tell god my problems, so he may lift the trouble off my shoulders.

I struggle to tell my parents words of comfort, so they worry less about me.

I struggle to give my friends words of kindness, so they can stay.

And I forever stay silent In fear that I will be judged for my truth.
For what would my weak heart do If their silence was louder than my confession.

More than anything, though, I fear that god will look down at me with judgmental eyes, as he condemns me for my greed.

Greed for something I never dared give others.

It is that fear that leads me to condemn others In return.

I condemn my parents, to have a withdrawn child.
 
I condemn my sisters, to never have an ally in a broken home.

And I condemn my friends to never have support in times of need.

Slowly but surely I drown in a pit of self-loathing and misery.

And though several hands try to lift me up; I condemn them One final time to never succeed