A Time Before

  How many times I wish I could go back to a time before,
   I had to learn to endure the loss of a child!
   How many times I wish I could go back to a time before,
   I had to learn to survive the pain of my children being apart from me!
   How many times I wish I could go back to a time before,
   I had to learn to survive the pain of watching my best friend go from a healthy, happy, loving friend; to being eaten up piece by piece of cancer and dying!
    How many times I wish I could go back to a time before,
    I had to discover the trauma caused to my children when trust was betrayed within close circles of the family!
    How many times I wish I could go back to a time before,
    I spent every waking moment with regrets, with the echo's of what if's, could have's, and should have's!

    How many times I wish I could go back to a time before,
    I could have prevented your pain,
    I could have foreseen the future,
    I could have prevented your death,
    I could of had the insight to see the
      Unseen, the knowledge to see the
      Hindsight, the sight and hearing to
      Know the signs I so easily missed
      When it was important!
  
      How many times I wish I could go back to a time before,
      So, I could of had one last
      "goodbye"!
      So, I could say one last "I love you"!
      So, I could have just 5 more
      minutes!
      So, I no longer live with regrets!
      So, I no longer feel pain, anger,
      guilt, and hurt!

      So, I can change the outcome,
      before my heart was blackened by
      pain!