Unattainable

 

your locks shine against the sun like its made of gold, your eyes made of glistening diamonds. amongst the thousand stars in the sky  your eyes are the ones that shines the brightest of them all for you are the fairest of them all. your mind sharper than wit, hard for me to compete with. wish i could have you, hold you in my arms, and most of all love you like a lover would. But i know not to have such thoughts, for you are unattainable within a million kilometers reach because whatever we had is now, is strained. have to make peace with that, but how can i when the memories we shared feel like im near a warm, cackling fire inside a cabin on a cold winters day? all the time i have spent with you might as well be a fantasy rather than a so called memory for we may depart and never see each other again. ive never met a person like you and im afraid i will never again. I thought you hated, detested and even despised me but you proved me wrong, when you invited me out on the last day. did you invite me out of pity? to mend the mess that is unrepairable? oh, why must you distance from me? past history? embarrassment? another lover?  we used to be friends now strangers. we used to walk side by side, chatting our mere minutes away till we parted , now i look longingly in the halls to catch just a slither of your curls. if i must sound like a homeless begger to get our friendship the way it used to be then i must. i would walk a thousand fires all on the name of you, i would learn to play chess in the name of you, watch anime in the name of you, i would do all of that and more just to have my one of my many questions answered: what happened between you and i? what must i do to repair the distance caused between you and i? what was my part in causing this distance between you and i? and most of all what do you think of me? do you now think of me a some wretched person? whatever the answers are to any of questions above are now useless for it now feels like i am mourning memories of the past from a deceased potential lover, the friendship we had then is dead for i am merely greifing about the potential we could have had, poorly at that,  everytime i glance at you, painful memories flood my brain, knowing to treasure them for they are limited in capacity. was i ever special to you? you observed my patterns of behavior, my thoughts, my opinions, parts of my body and commented on all of it at one point in time, do you do the same to other people? perhaps, for i am merely just a fool, fell in the trap of love, now obsessing and adoring every minute detail that you possess. you came to me with your own sorrows about love, tried to soothe them despite my lack of knowledge it. i want you, i love you, but evertime i reach you, you merely drift away making you all the more unattainable everytime i try.