All The Things I Want To Say

Talking
 One of the things I do best
But
Also, one of the things I don’t do enough
I’ve been told,
“You talk too much”
or,
“Talk more you never say anything”
But I’m always thinking
Thinking about what to say
Or how to contribute to the conversation
But what I want to say
Never escapes the walls of my mouth

When you ask me how I’m doing
I want to tell you how I really am
But I can’t do that
Because
The fear of you telling me
Everything is going to be alright
Is too grand to overcome

I want to talk about deep things
Like sexuality and racism
But will you really understand
Or will you sit there in silence
Not knowing how to respond
Oh, no
Did I make it awkward
I tend to do that
And then I start to ramble because I start to feel awkward And then we just end up sitting there in silence
And just stare at each other
And
Oh
 I'm doing it again

I want to talk about
The stupid things we did when we were twelve
But will you remember
Or will you just sit there and agree
Pretending like you remember what happened
I want to talk about all the things
I lost and how much it affected me
But then
I feel all I’m doing is talking about myself

I want to respond
 But I can’t seem to hit the send button
Because
What if you think
I'm not contributing enough to the conversation
So I don’t respond
I let the message sit there opened
Too scared to hit the send button
But most of all
I want to talk about all the things I never got to say Because
I didn’t have the guts to say what I wanted to
And you aren’t there to listen anymore