Drowning

Plummeting down to hell

I feel lost in a sea of nothingness

Nothing I write is healing

Nothing I think makes any sense

I want to die

I don't know who I am anymore

I don't know if I've ever known

I feel like a child in a man's body

The world is so overwhelming and ugly

I almost pray this is the dark night of the soul the mystics talk about

At least then my life would have meaning

But I doubt I'm that lucky

I think this is more of a chemical imbalance or disease of the mind, affliction of the spirit of some sort

I've run out of energy, happiness, strength

And joy is a distant memory I can hardly recall

I'm not creative anymore. Just miserable.

I wish people would smile at me like they used to

Now they look at me like a man with a sickness

Or a curious guy who shouldn't be bothered

Even though I'm desperate for contact from someone outside of my head

I wish someone could come stop this pain, reach down and remove the leach from my heart and the nails from my spine

I pray to Jesus, this someone I never used to believe in

Because faith seems to be the last option I have

No one thinks about me anymore

I've become an invisible enigma that no one cares about

It makes me sad and want to cry

When did I fall this far and how long did it take to reach these depths of sorrow and despair?

Is it just a spiritual passage?

I used to believe I was a spiritual man having a spiritual experience

Now I don't know if that's true anymore

I doubt my thoughts and question every positive thought I have about myself

Is it true?

As if I had those anymore.

This is a burden which can't be undone. There is no remedy for this pain. I wish God could take it all away, but I doubt even He would or could do it

Please pray for me, whoever is reading this

Please just say a small prayer for me that I make it through this day

I want to believe I'll be ok, but I'm so lost.