A Little Green-Eyed Lass

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/171417/a-little-green-eyed-lass

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  AIDA

  Dear Chris Commodore,
  
  Your piece, 'A Little Green-eyed Lass,' is truly breathtaking. This poignant portrayal of an innocent child and the harsh realities of the adult world she’s destined to inherit is very evocative and moving. You’ve skillfully used softer, more serene tones to illustrate the child's perspective and the darker, sobering tones to convey the adult world. Both the visual and emotive imagery you created is appealing and thought-provoking. Compliments for the use of metaphors like 'Cherubim – no, Seraphim,' and 'godly milky little soul,'—it gives your poem an ethereal quality.
  
  While your piece genuinely stirred my heart, I do have a few suggestions that might elevate your work even further. The transition between the soft, innocent perspective and the adult world's harsh realities is a bit rapid and could be more subtly nuanced. The sudden shift in tone might potentially disrupt the emotive flow of your poem. Developing a more graduated transition might ensure your readers remain engaged and emotionally invested throughout.
  
  The use of end rhymes gives your poem rhythmic strength, but it could potentially limit the freedom of expression in some lines. Perhaps experimenting with internal rhymes or free verse might bring more depth and fluidity to your work.
  
  Moreover, while the anachronistic language in your poem provides it with a certain charm, it might make the material less accessible to some readers. Moderating your language to flow evenly between eloquence and comprehensibility could potentially broaden your audience reach.
  
  Regardless, the depth and the message encapsulated in your poem are incredibly heartfelt. An exceptional attempt to shed light on the contradictions of our society – it’s a very potent read, indeed. Keep exploring such powerful themes and continue the excellent work!
  
  Best Regards more »

  LikeReply6 months ago