You don’t control me

You don’t control me
You might have had some power or leverage over me when we were messing around on that park bench by my house
I might have said “I love you” before I hung up the phone
I might have held your hand in mine as we thought about our future together, far away from everything that has and can hurt us, but if I decided to run away with you, you would have hurt me.
I’ve seen the anger and immaturity in you when some one got a little too close you freaked out because you THOUGHT you know how to love me.
You thought that control was love.
You made my fear of you into your love for me.
You loved me because I feared you.
I love you because I had to.  
That night on the phone when you said you will end your life with pills and switch blades if I ever left you was the hardest thing I had to hear.
I was torn between leaving you and having your blood on my hands, or staying with you and having my own drip down my arms onto the floor of my bedroom.
You might have had power, or control over me when we were together.
But now that your gone, I can only imagine how bad your life must be.
Without me, you have no control over your own life.
Your attempts at giving up your own life became my reasoning to give up my own
But you don’t control me.