Alone

Feeling so alone even surrounded by my people nothing ever feels like home. Going from place to place like a drone while these dreams I'm trying to chase but it seems I'm losing hope. The glow that I had lost & my beauty slowly fading with the happiness I had, or so I thought. Hanging on to an imaginary rope, while letting go of all connections but that's not what I condone. Got my head & my heart in two different zones. And though I'm in distinct settings nothing feels right I'm never liking the tone. Cause no matter where I'm at I'm floating in the unknown. Maybe up in space going through this stupid phase, I'm not doing my best you bet I'm drowning down below. But in my world I'm so high in the sky, trying to win this fight it's just my days are moving slow. Confusion is running through my mind, it got me writing all the time. No surprise that the people & the vibes are becoming dull overnight. Life has shown so many signs, my tears are proof & they don't lie. Despite this hole of emptiness that I'm trying to survive. Life is hard when you're confined during a time when you should be living your prime. I want to rise cause though I'm doing fine, it's not enough I want to shine instead of just being alright. I'm locked away I've been withheld. No sense of identity I'm being robbed of myself. I'm alone, so alone, no matter my surroundings here I am still unprepared. There's no handbook so I'm empty-handed & I'm scared. Searching for that joy as days go by while forgetting all the good things that I felt. Longing for tranquility, a way to feel complete, it's that numbness in my soul with no purpose & no one can intervene. No sadness but no happiness, I can't say what feel I think it's somewhere in between. Don't know what I need so I can finally feel peace, when in reality everything is borrowed remember nothing's guaranteed. But I'm stressed, depressed, I'm just a big mess. I try to keep my mind off but distraction turns into destruction that's what keeps me from success. No matter all these struggles I know that I am blessed, but with cortisol & adrenaline I am feeling the effects. All I have is an escape, a pen & paper with some thoughts & a lot of feelings to express.