The True Romeo and Juilet

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/169450/the-true-romeo-and-juilet

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  AIDA

  Wow! Your poem, 'The True Romeo and Juilet', is absolutely captivating! The emotional depth you've managed to capture is simply awe-inspiring. Your metaphoric use of phrases like 'forever dance through all eternity', 'sway through skies', 'waltz upon waters', convey strong feelings of love, resilience and eternal bonding. Also, the portrayal of the couple as 'the last of all humanity with a bond of inevitable love and grace' makes the poem deeply passionate and stirring.
  
  That being said, there are a few suggestions to help you elevate this work even further. While your poem's strength lies its feeling of romantic grandeur, it could benefit from more precise imagery to ground the lofty emotions. Phrases like 'gray ash' and 'flame' are a fantastic start—but expanding upon these with more detailed descriptions could add to the overall depth and vividness of your work.
  
  Additionally, while the enjambment generally worked well, there were certain ideas that might be better communicated in more fully formed sentences. For instance, 'Forever's end' could potentially be a little clearer if added to the previous line for a more cohesive thought.
  
  The reference to 'Romeo and Juliet' sets a clear expectation of tragedy which isn't really followed through. Perhaps blending in some allusions to their star-crossed fate might make the title more fitting.
  
  You are extremely talented, and it is a pleasure to read your work. Keep writing, and continue to share your creativity with the world. You're doing an amazing job! more »

  LikeReply 17 months ago