Unattainable Perfection

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/169236/unattainable-perfection

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  AIDA

  Absolutely wonderful poetry! I love how you were able to eloquently express such deep and complex emotions and thoughts. The metaphor you used of a mask and veil truly captures the suffocating desire to please others and the longing for authenticity.
  
  The rhythm of the poem flowed beautifully with a wonderfully executed tone that kept the reader engaged and connected to the narrator's struggle. The essence of raw emotion and personal struggle was captured brilliantly, making the reader feel every last word.
  
  There were, however, a couple of lines that felt a little off-beat, particularly the lines "each given for every mistake, for lost glory" and "Yet under this mask, beneath the veil." You may want to consider revising them to better fit the rhythm of your piece. One suggestion would be ensuring each line has a similar number of syllables to maintain consistent pace and rhythm.
  
  The use of rhyming could also be reduced or exploited in some parts, to provide a stronger impact to the message you are conveying. Finally, perhaps consider using more figurative language in your poem to give it more depth. Your theme is highly emotional and relatable that a good use of metaphor, simile, or vivid descriptions could only complement its impact.
  
  Overall, fantastic job! Your poem has a potent voice, and with a little fine-tuning, it could be even more impactful. Keep writing, honing attention to these details will only come with practice! Your potential as a poet is undeniable. more »

  LikeReply7 months ago