Stuck in a net

I walk in the door
I see the people
Screaming
Yelling
Crying
Laughing
Torturing
The switch flips.

I start to panic
As the tears fall from my eyes
Everyone gathers around me
"Are you okay??"
"What's wrong??"
While others watch
"Uhh, she's so dramatic"
"What's wrong with her??"
Everything goes black

The voice in my head goes
"Why?? Why me???"
Or
"You're being so weird"
Or
"Get it together!! Other people have it worse!"
Or
"Cry. Cry more. Suffer. You deserve it."
Or
"Can I murder something??"

Intrusive thoughts kick in
Maybe I should kill
Maybe I should run
Maybe I should scream
Maybe I should defend myself
Maybe I should die

Negative thoughts don't help
No one loves me
I'm an ugly worm
I don't matter
I'm so stupid
No one cares about me

What am I even worried about anymore?

I'm so caught up in the
Net of emotions
Like a fish that just gave into the trick
Of bait
It grabbed on and held onto it
Thinking it would fix things
But then it got reeled in
And stuck
And it gets defensive
And aggressive
And unlike its true self

It tries to get away
But all it does is wiggle
It keeps wiggling
Thinking it would help
But it has to work harder than that
It has to think rationally
And try
But it's so hard to try in the moment,
It can't think of anything reasonable
Just negative
Intrusive
Unhelpful thoughts.

I am the fish.
I don't know what to do
I try to think
But I can't
I'm stuck in the net