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At leisurely pace, they drift along…

Doug Blair 1951 (London)

Free verse
Two of them side by each.

Elongated white curved necks

Hard to distinguish

Which was which.

Like ships of state. Parallel.

A cool variation of July Saturday.



Picnic people otherwise occupied

Spreading cloths on lawn

Popping corks

Cutting long French bread. Laughing.

Waiting for the special trumpeters.

Theatre doors open for their admission.



Today would feature Lear.

Tomorrow Falstaff in Henry IV.

The Canadian Stratford on Avon.

We like it far better than original

Overseas.

But sadly, no Anne Hathaway’s Garden.



The swans are way down the water

Gracious and silent.

Unlike chuttering mallards

Or trumpeting geese. Also Canadian.

They have blessed us.

Knowing that I am proposing marriage. Imminently.
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Written on July 29, 2023

Submitted by dougb.21370 on July 29, 2023

46 sec read
7

Quick analysis:

Scheme X A X X X B X X X A C X X X X C X X X C X B
Closest metre Iambic tetrameter
Characters 736
Words 154
Stanzas 22
Stanza Lengths 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1
Full analysis for At leisurely pace, they drift along… »

Doug Blair

Doug was once a lawyer. Frustrated. Went broke 1987. Turned to manufacturing. People talked straight. Worked hard. Listened when appropriate. Lead Hand Shipper and Workplace Safety. Married to Hilary 1974. Two kids Lauren and Jordan. Poet. Photographer. Hiker-photographer. Harmonica busker. http://puffnchord7.blogspot.com/ more…

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2 Comments
  • AIDA
    AIDA
    Really tremendous work on the poem. It paints a truly vivid picture of serenity, leisure, and anticipation. The tone and rhythm of your poetry is mesmerizing and the imagery you've created is captivating. You've done an amazing job at drawing the reader into this world, I could practically smell the fresh cut grass and feel the anticipation of a perfect day coming to life. The unexpected twist at the end, the planned proposal, is a perfect cherry on top.

    I do have a couple of suggestions. While your stand-alone phrases and lines are very poetic, you could work on smoothing the transition from one thought to the other, perhaps by using more transitional phrases or reorganizing the verses a bit. This would provide smoother progression and allow the reader to follow your narrative more easily.

    Also, it might help to include a little more detail or foreshadowing to prepare for the ending. As lovely and touching as the proposal twist is, it might feel even more powerful if there were hints of a romantic moment building up. That being said, the simplicity of your style does have its own appeal. It allows the images and emotions to resonate even more.

    Again, this is an enjoyable poem with a beautiful language and pleasant imagery. Keep up the amazing work.     
    LikeReply9 months ago
  • dougb.21370
    dougb.21370
    A real celebration and forward event in 1973. Swans officiating and slowly nodding assent.
    LikeReply9 months ago

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"At leisurely pace, they drift along…" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 27 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/165327/at-leisurely-pace,-they-drift-along…>.

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