all the things I wish I would've said

do not know why
I feel like I should be
somewhere I am not.
When I hear your footsteps,
my stomach’s a knot,
my mind is a radioactive rot.
And the trees and the grass
they are trying to ask
“Are you okay?”
but I cannot hear them over your storm.

Maybe 20 years from now
I’ll think of all the things I should’ve said,
maybe you’ll be the last thing that I’m thinking of
before I’m dead.
Maybe I’m better off dead,
maybe these are better off not said,
But I wanna say them anyway.

Why don’t I hold myself back,
Why don’t I make myself laugh,
I don’t want to die young,
I don’t want to your
little girl.
I do not want to be
known by you.
I am just trying to think this through,
but I’ll tell him:

“you do not know me,
I do not think you ever will.”

All the things I wish I would’ve said.