Drowning

Many places I've been
a bed of pillows
the warmth of a hug
a feast of happiness
my body is present
and I am absent

I'm alive here
a jar of thoughts
closed by a wall full of darts
trying to pierce through my heart
breaking in and tearing me apart
I heard you; your voice is screaming, trying to make me calm in a crib of thorns
making me feel I belong and everything's normal

The reality you instilled
you are lying with so much conviction
I want to scream
I don't want to live
but I don't want to leave
I feel so empty, longing to disappear
here I am again, lying on my bed
On a familiar Friday eve