The Pit

I look down the pit,

The pit of the past.

I see the trauma.

The feelings of unworthiness after being almost raped

The feeling of guilt for the years after,

The feeling of having to hold my tears back any time anyone told me my life wasn’t that hard.

The feeling of innocence taken right from my lap at the young age of 11,

The feeling of anxiety for years after.

The fear

The fear of every man I’ve ever known since

The fear of the public crowds

The fear of being bullied

The fear of commitment

The fear of crying in front of anyone,

Forget opening up, all they will do is mock you they'll turn their backs on you and never hear you out they’ll never show you the help and care you need

They don’t know

They don’t know you

They don’t know what you went through

They don’t know the empty space left from your mom’s boyfriend after that night in the bathroom

they won’t ever know how you cried

they won’t ever know how you pleaded

they won’t ever know how you tried to get him off

all they see is the smile you want them too

And that’s all they’ll ever know not what you’ve been through they don’t want to help

they just want something to hurt you with

they want something that hurts you

they want the control