Odd moments

Medicated and numb
I fill my days with empty pursuits of pleasure
Chatting with strangers and familiars
I find a sense of joy and mirth.

But there are odd moments.
Moments that make me question
Moments that shake and shatter me.
Times of space both infinite and brief

The shame, the embarrassment
The hatred of self
I begin to drown, pulled by the undertow of despair, the futility of my situation laid bare
Searching and seeking I try to find my enemy to fight.

Then I remember and find my resolve
Don't at all stumble and don't let them see,
That these odd moments are breaking me.