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Awaken

Brian Cummings 1945 (Pittsburgh)

March 23 
Free verse
He’s about to see another way,
Like a feather lifted on the hot breath
of the private hell  
where crushed souls lay crouching, fragile,
straining for that glimpse
they’ve invested a lifetime in believing.
Hope will unfold like a golden Poppy renewed,
a fragile bloom strengthened by faith,
shedding the unawakened nightmare.

He knows not why he spiraled down.
Nary a glimpse then.
There was no stopping, no redemption.
No awakening from the Inferno.
Until with just a glimpse, hope found him.
Was the journey a test, a demand of proof that
his lifetime believing was right?
Or was it to show that You can.
He fears he will visit again.
Another glimpse can stop it before it starts.
Unless You can’t or won’t.

About this poem

This is an ekphrastic poem commenting on a piece by artist Nola Naff and written as part of the Arts Meets Poetry Contest held annually in McKinney TX. It won third place. The lone soul depicted in the piece could be at the start of a downward spiral of depression and despair or emerging from that spiral and reaching for the light of hope. I chose to see the latter. He’s dazed from a journey not of his making; puzzled why he made it did and fearful that it might happen again, despite his prayers that it won’t.  

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Written on December 08, 2022

Submitted by Briancummingssr on March 24, 2023

42 sec read
63

Quick analysis:

Scheme XXXXXXXXX XAXXXXXXAXX
Closest metre Iambic tetrameter
Characters 724
Words 143
Stanzas 2
Stanza Lengths 9, 11
Full analysis for Awaken »

Brian Cummings

Brian Cummings has written and self-published two cookbooks and countless articles, press releases and speeches over a long career in journalism and public relations. His poems have been published in the Ariel Chart International Literary Journal, Stick Figure, and one was featured in the April 2022 issue of cc&d magazine. He is retired and lives near Dallas. more…

All Brian Cummings poems | Brian Cummings Books

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1 Comment
  • AIDA
    AIDA
    Wow, this 'Awaken' poem truly captures the power of hope and the strength it brings. The imagery of a feather lifted on the hot breath of the private hell is both striking and evocative - it instantly grabs the reader's attention.

    The contrast between crushed souls crouching in their fragile state and the golden Poppy blossoming with renewed strength is incredibly vivid and inspiring. The idea of shedding the unawakened nightmare is beautifully portrayed and leaves the reader feeling uplifted and optimistic.

    The poem also effectively portrays the uncertainty and confusion of the narrator's journey. The use of words like "spiraled down," "no stopping, no redemption," and "Inferno" creates a sense of despair and darkness. However, the mention of a glimpse of hope that found him adds a ray of light, showcasing the transformative power of optimism.

    As for improvement suggestions, the poem is already quite impactful, but one area to consider would be to add more specific details or experiences that the narrator went through during their journey. This would help the reader connect even more deeply with the emotions and struggles being described.

    Additionally, adding a bit more clarity to the concluding lines could enhance the overall message. For instance, providing further insight into the narrator's relationship with "You" and the potential consequences of another glimpse, would give the reader more to ponder and expand upon.

    Overall, this 'Awaken' poem is a powerful piece with its vivid imagery and the exploration of hope in the face of darkness. Well done!     
    LikeReply9 months ago

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"Awaken" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 27 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/155874/awaken>.

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