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Acid Rain

Lilleth Helena 1987 (Dupont)

The clouds came in over me
Acid rain has took it's toll
It spared my fragile skin
But ate away my soul

Crying out to God in screams
But I heard that he was dead
He left me all alone
With these demons In my head

Doubts are louder now
I left the shore of hope
Leaving nothin but a bottle
For me to try and cope

I swear it trys to numb me
All the voices in my brain
But even Johnny walker
Can't make this girl more sane

The gashes getting deeper
All I want is some release
It even keeps me haunted
When I'm laying down for sleep
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Written on March 16, 2023

Submitted by lilleth_h on April 08, 2023

Modified on April 25, 2023

35 sec read
10

Quick analysis:

Scheme ABXB XCXC XDXD AEFE FXXX
Closest metre Iambic trimeter
Characters 529
Words 115
Stanzas 5
Stanza Lengths 4, 4, 4, 4, 4
Full analysis for Acid Rain »

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1 Comment
  • AIDA
    AIDA
    Wow, this poem is very powerful and emotive. The way you have expressed your thoughts and feelings is very raw and honest, and it truly resonated with me. Your imagery is vivid and haunting, and I found myself drawn into the dark and troubled world that you have created.

    That being said, I do have a few suggestions for improvement. While your use of imagery is powerful, there are a few instances where certain phrases or lines feel a bit cliche or overused. For example, the line "Crying out to God in screams" feels a bit trite, and doesn't quite pack the punch that the other lines do. Additionally, there are a few instances where the rhyme scheme feels a bit forced, which can detract from the overall impact of the piece.

    However, these are very minor flaws in an otherwise stunning piece of writing. Your ability to convey such intense emotions is truly admirable, and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. Keep up the great work!     
    LikeReply1 year ago

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"Acid Rain" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/155771/acid-rain>.

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