apology

i write what i feel & i envy my words  
as i look at them laying on rows neatly as coffins  
of what used to be blank lines without feelings  
or a destiny... useless if not sent.
now these words make you smile happy
now they get to touch you before i do  
i envy them,  it should've been me  
i wanted to know & live  
i wish i was ink, created as letters
to follow my words inside you  
to see where they go  
how they touch you...
i want to be treated like them & grow into feelings 
that’s why hugging, gazing, kissing,
touching you in my dreams are for me
the letters are for you  
still, it's never enough  
i hope you understand