an ode to beauty

in my 55 years roaming this earth
I’ve known women every so often,   
but never committed forever to anyone.
because I never expressed
none asked
so I never did.
My dedication was to the captivating ones.
seldom one would come along and just
uproot my world violently,
causing me to write this, a last will & testament...
some sort of therapy/confession.

Beauty ranges in all different calibers  
, and so my dedication to them.  
I could never find that such a word exists for one....  
I'm not a poet but express myself as a man  
with thoughts not to attract or bargain with women,  
because their beauty never lasts,  
but my words do.
Do you think women would forgive me?  
=
name them; I knew them, Mona Lisa, Venus, the girl with a pearl earring,  
Olympia, the woman with a parasol, the cup of tea; madame x, the crystal ball,  
I sculptured, folded, laid them down  
between pages, on rows of lines  
describing them to the lonely, that in the subconscious mind  
there is another world, free of socials guides.  
where they no longer see anyone as old, fat, ugly, broke, shy or lonely
take them on short 5-second trips into many fantasies
and form an image of what they should be like  
falling into every mold.
  =
I don’t see fault in carving them out of their canvases
 or attract their aura from thin air,  
I don’t claim mud-honey from underneath their footsteps,
or guarantee profanities won't come out of their mouths, or   
change what everyone is meant to have...  
however, I like to conceive them as my own birth,  
so I could wrap them as I like in silence  
with the best materials of the alphabet,
how the alphabet is formed ? ... that's up to taste.
= 
I would die one day with a special woman in my heart,
not for marriage, but free to possess the pinnacle of my emotions. 
presently the only one captivating me like a noose
wouldn’t practice her humanity,
I broke my own vow to keep everything silent... 
but her absence got the best of me,
she was so cruel to me in real life,
quoting that she saw me as a friend (platonic),  
requesting not to dedicate any thoughts to her
not to mention her name, 
she could have been the queen of hearts,
the pinnacle of my thoughts, because I'm old,
and the culmination of my experience offers this,
and I might not have enough time on earth.

I just wanted her signature on me, validation, and I didn't get it.
She's too young & cocky now & will understand when it's too late  
when the growing days turn into countdown numbers.
When shes old & I'm gone....  
so, for now, I'll file her with the others
and get back on track the old way,
keep my mouth shut & imagination.  
=
the issue with dedication, as i said  
that it dies very slowly, so she'll be around for a while  
because keystrokes, ink on paper, imprints on memories,
never forgets & never lies...  
it lasts forever...  
after all of this.... 
can I think women would forgive me?  
What do you think?