a is for abusive

I was alone

I was anxious and afraid but abuzz

and then you answered the door, and you were aloof yet assertive, amusing and appealing

and I was admiring, attracted, maybe even a little aroused

and the weeks passed and we were abloom

you were affectionate, accommodating, angelic

and I was amazed, alive and ABSOLUTELY addicted

we were authentic and absorbed, and the love was abundant

but then you were absent, abrupt, annoyed, angry?

but you were apologetic, and I was accepting

and then it happened again, and again, and it was accidental or academic pressure, and all of it was astutely argued away

and I was ashamed and afraid of being anxious and alone again and I was attached and abhorred the idea of being abandoned so I apologised

and the weeks passed, and you were aggressive, but I became accustomed and accepted because you assured me we were adults and this was all average, and you adored me

after a while, it stopped being acknowledged

until I was asleep but you were aroused and you assumed and then I was awake, so very awake and it was alien and awful and so far from the amber amour that I had asked for and now I'm back to being anxious and afraid

you left me a victim

and when I think of the alternative, I am glad to be alone.