Guilty

Guilty is charged.
 my brain says, so I take a step then two then three,
 I'll go as far as brain says to be free but they don't say stop,
 Free free free is all I can think but is it enough no times three,
guilty guilty guilty,
it's not ok so I let myself back in for the day but it takes over me,
 it's been a week and I still can't sleep,
 not even one tiny blink,
I'm restless and tired and still in disbelief cause I know I'll never be free,
stuck between mourning and celebrating countdown began a long time ago,
but never thought I'd end up stuck in place but ready to go,
 I beg you to stay but I'm the one who goes five hours away,
 I'll miss you,
 but not her,
 them,
but not you,
cause you make me sick,
the thought in my head all dread from you,
but them,
for him,
they spread.
 little smiles like songbirds versus ravens,
 coughs in my head.