Trapped

I wish I could write
Same what's in my head
The way it seems,
I could just say it all out
Clear and loud
but instead I prefer its fine,
Okay and smile
It's hard to be the one who
Figured it all out
But the truth is its easy
You just need to be the
One you look out
Self care is under rated
So is depression
Looking for attention,
Overacting and lots of other
Words are used to define
You won't even know how these things affect
Unless you had that defect
Surrounded by anxiety, loneliness,
You Wont found another soul
To express what it is all
Seems pretty like your own hell
It will be hard to breath
Shaking hands,
dizziness in your head,
you are going to die
With other thousand thoughts
Still won't be able it express it all
Not even to one single soul
Its not the end its the begining
Begining of the change
beginning of a nightmare
It will start with you losing interest
From every thing to every person you like,
Sleeping will be the best time
You wanna be in a room alone not getting out of your bed
It will feel comforting but not in end
Slowly everything will be reversed
Loneliness will haunt you,
the sleep you like wont even come near you,
And if it comes it will bring nightmares to you,
With anxiety and panic attack
Your nights will be doomed
You will wish you had someone
Who could you share all this with
But you wont find even shadow of your own
With your energy going into anxiety
You will be tired and even a small task will
Feel like climbing a hill
With everyday running away from people
And every night searching for people
You will realise you are trapped
Worthlessness, loneliness, anxiety,
Nightmares, isolation, abundance all this will take you to the final step
Which is not a solution is we all know
But it will make sense when you are living in a pretty decent hell,
But you won't, you still have your parents, worst, if you are the one there for them alone,
You will live this living hell everyday alone,
Some days will be easy
And some days you will curse why were you even born
Its not easy to choose life over something comforting as death,
Living a hell everyday still smiling back,
Putting efforts for everyone,
and still feel useless.
Standing in everyone's shoe is not easy at last
when climbing out of your own shoe is pretty tough task