Confusing Myself

I am successful yet it's stressful.
I want to win as well as give in.
I'm tired of trying while in my soul I'm dying.
You think that over time,
I would have slowly lost my mind.
I don't know why I have held on
when all my ambitions remained gone!
I was slowly giving up. I felt I had had enough.
I didn't expect to ever come back.
Let alone with feelings still intact.
I thought for sure my mind had departed,
cause I felt so broken hearted.
Everyone close to me had let me down,
and my smile slowly became a frown.
I had to start out all alone, far away from home.
I gave it all I had, only to be sad.
Everyone I met, did not have good intent.
But I still held my ground and somehow,
someway I found, a reason to move on,
even when I was in the wrong.
I kept pushing to be better than the day I was
before,
I felt that in my mind and way down to my core.
And then I got the chance to feel,
how happiness once again could be so real.
And now again I want to try,
and every day I will apply, instead of just get by.
I manifest this to my core,
I will be happier than I have ever been before.