Retrospect

Retrospect

Sometimes I think of my life in retrospect
I examine it as if it was an insect
I rewind it as if it were a movie
Then I press play at the edge of insanity

I guide my eyes to see all that I can
I hit slow motion with my own two hands
I walk through the hallways of my own my mind
Then I think of everyone that gets left behind

I turn the corner in the corridor
I stare down at the polished white floor
And I think to myself where am I going
My mind is like a movie that's worth showing

This must be someone elses life
Or is it someone else's wife
Or is this dagger someone else's knife
Why are the people in this hallway so full of strife

These are the questions that get stuck in the brain
Like trying to hop on a moving train
Or trying to jump off of a very tall bridge
Just to see yourself at the bottom of the ridge

To close your eyes and feel the air while you're falling
To hear your own insanity calling
To rip open your own box of madness
To pause the exact moment we kiss

To play this moment over and over in my head
To hear all the I love you's that you've said
To replay every single time we've hugged
Just to inhale your spirit like a drug

To think of all the good times that we've had
To be able to pause the memory of my dad
Just to see all of the shining faces turn sad
When they watched the last film he had

He would be proud of my life's story
He was a military man with a lot of glory
He sometimes watches these shows with me
And in my heart he knows im happy

He wants me to continue this legacy with you
To bust open a chapter that's new
To continue this movie we are making
To go on every adventure that's worth taking

Because one day we will be walking through them doors
And we will leave behind the empty floors
We will say goodbye to all the faces
As we walk on to better places

And at the end of the hallway you will be waiting for me
You will hold the door open so gracefully
with that silly smile on your face
We will move forward into a new space

A.D. Small
June 16, 2022