You hurt me

Last night I had a dream that my dad had a heart attack. I was hurt but his time will come, God is paying him back. He hurt me, he caused me pain, he ruined my life over and over again. These are his years to see how it hurts because in God's eyes I came first. He was given a gift to be a dad. He was supposed to protect his kids with all that he had. He had a diffrent lesson for me. Instead of protecting me he started molesting me. Only 11 years old i did not know. I was wrapped in fear, I drowned in tears yet no one could hear. I yelled out stop but the poor man stayed on top trying to give me all that he's got. I was dying inside, crying inside, feeling confused I did not know what to do. Cutting my arm, causing my body harm, it was like He set off my suicide alarm. He said if I told anyone no one would believe me. He was right and my soul died, my body went numb I cried out for someone. No one could hear me, I could no longer see my life clearly. They say you should forgive and you dont have to forget. I just can't seem to do it. 19 years old he offered me money for sex. The poor sick man did not get it yet. I asked him why did he do it and he does not want to confess. He said he wanted to teach me before anyone else got to do it. NO! you took something special from me that will forever be gone. I will never trust you but yet I still love you. I want you to see how you ruined my life and how bad I wanted to die but I SURVIVED. I had no more tears, I could no longer cry.  Now I am stronger and my life is a story. You gave me so many topics to write about. 29 years old and I still have the nightmares. These horrible memories you left in my head. One day my story will be out and the family may hate me, but this is the life that you gave me. So I want to thank you for teaching me everything I know, the good and bad it helped me grown. Finding out my step mom belived me And she asked you why, seems like this is a secret you will forever try to hide. Well you poor old man I will forever pray for your soul, just know when my stepmom died thats when I let you go.

 Shirley Marie