Countless Moments

Countless Moments
I cannot count the many nights I’ve watched him as he slept.
Nights filled with ache and wonder to know the secrets from me he’s kept.

The silence of each night seems to swallow me and
Tears drown every thought in my mind
I sit staring at this stranger’s face for all the answers I still can’t find

The silence is growing into eeriness and into dread that will come with morning light
Tomorrow will bring only more of  these questions that have haunted me all night

Priceless were those moments sitting and  watching him  as he slept
I resent the  safety he finds within the secrets from me he’s kept

Because I’ve become lost in his lies, both told and the many untold yet to be
I have too become lost in his darkness and I feel it destroying me

For err, every moment is etched in stone; permanently
He captured my very essence he locked up which used to run free

Relived in every moment,  the loss I once  felt  from a  beating heart
Is the  love that he used to betray me
with or without it I fall apart

Despite and fro it’s because I know
That he lives within a wounded man
How ironic that it was his agony
That drew me in when I should have ran

I hate myself for knowing  I need him more than he will ever need me
Every day the weight of the burden destroys me internally
Born in the moments etched within from without
Lies a grave filled with a future than will never come about

Sold in those moments and  traded for my love sits empty desire
There is no warmth to be found by darkened flames of  a dying fire

So high was his intensity it blew down walls of steel
Emotionally lost and fading fast is my ability just to feel

Years lived in despair is time wasted all I have left is an empty dream
Every night paralyzed by the nothingness unheard in silence I scream

This moment had no beginning has no end no boundary to enforce
Because it never lived outside of me
I’m its creator only I can determine its course

This time my life will remain wasted invested  in his  lies which I once bought
If I don’t wake up before that time,  it was never the truth I swore I sought
And if one who lives by deception isn’t alone in spilling lies
Then the answer was never to be found in his face or beyond the emptiness I see in his eyes

Sometimes the truth we cannot face makes an easy believer in every lie
Countless choices when you betrayed the tears every time you cry

Countless moments both here and gone
Countless secrets holding lies and regret
I must wake up before he does and save what little heart I have left.