Roadkill

I never wanted to die like this.
My blood pools from my body,
Painting the gravel a bright burgundy.
I always thought I would die in my sleep
Or something peaceful like that
Buried in a field of flowers
Wrapped in white linen sheets
Okay. Fulfilled. Loved.
Not like this, I did not want to die like this.
Not as an eyesore on the highway.
Roadkill. Cars whiz past me,
Not a single person craning their necks to get a good look
At the dying girl on the side of the road.
You never saw me when I was alive
When you made my heart want to beat
I lay here and mourn the memory of us
The over romanticized delusions I fed myself
When I felt the loneliest
Maybe they really meant nothing
Like you said
Guts spilled onto the road
Bits of my brain, scattered like confetti
At a kid’s birthday party
Body parts lay next to me
Nothing new, though
 I’ve never felt whole
I spent my life waiting for you
To fill the void
To love me back to life
I couldn’t do it for myself
I think what makes me the saddest
Is that even in my dying moments,
I still can’t stop thinking about you
There is no highlight reel of my life
No birthdays,
No Christmases at Grandma’s,
No graduations,
Just you.
I think about how badly I want you next to me
As the world turns blurry
Maggots begin to tear at my flesh
They consume me, just as you did
Everything I did was for you
My body contorted
My bones broken
Sometimes, I was the best friend
Still yours, in a way
But never more
They continue to eat away at me
Just as the idea that maybe you would love me back did
These daydreams, my obsession
Screwed me over
In fact, it’s what got me in this situation in the first place
Your name on my lips as the world fades to black
But the maggots are still feasting away
Unfortunately, I have loved you in this life
And I’m afraid I will love you into the next
What’s worse is that as much as I would like to
 I can not blame you for this
For my death, my heartache
I did this to myself
I broke my own heart
I loaded the gun, you pulled the trigger
Not knowing any better
The maggots haven taken my body
Bones and unimportant things remain
My love for you has completely ravaged and destroyed me
There is nothing left.