A thought that multiplied

It is a silent night.
The people are asleep.
As they should be.
For tonight is the night,
That I jump.
They think I’m getting better,
But they don’t know.
Nobody knows,
What goes on inside my head.
They think I control my thoughts,
They think I control my actions,
But I don’t.
They are controlling me.
They make me feel worthless,
As if I shouldn't exist.
I want this feeling out,
But I don’t understand this feeling.
It feels like it should stay.
Its telling me it should,
But I don’t know what is right and what is wrong.
For now I jump.
As I spread my arms,
To soar to my death,
Hands grab on.
They pull me back and care for me,
I was ready to jump.
But now am not,
For someone cares for me.
They know the thoughts control me
They know the actions are not my own.
They help and guide me.
They are my compass.
But they let go.
They stop caring
They believe i am better
I get in the way
I make there life more difficult
But I am not
For they still control me
As I walk the streets
Thoughts are racing
A single star is in the sky
I hold onto that star
As I jump
There are no hands to grab onto
Nobody to help
For I am alone
The thoughts silenced,
Never to be heard.
For it is a silent night.