A pawn in a game of chess

I always wondered why you were always so cold
Maybe it was because you were in the present
And I was just another thought lost in the wind
Maybe it's your icy past that I've been trapped in
Or maybe I was just another pawn in this elaborate game of chess
I'll surrender my king and queen if you can answer why
Why were you never there when I needed you most
Why was I only a late night call
Why wasn't I enough
I can't even be mad at you
I can't even hate you
I just can't feel anything towards you anymore
As if you were a ghost
A whisper on my lips
Maybe I was the one who failed you
Maybe it was I who couldn't water the seeds of a new life
Maybe it wasn't I you were dreaming of
Maybe it wasn't I you wished to lay next to
Maybe it wasn't I who you longed for
Maybe I was just company
So you'd never have to sit alone in your thoughts
So I became the puppy
I became the pawn
And I lost the game of chess
To which I gambled my life and sobriety thinking I could win
Maybe it was I who was nothing but a pawn thinking they were a queen