Analysis of A close shave

A CLOSE SHAVE.

It seems that beards are back in Vogue
For some guys on the telly
Are sporting sets of whiskers
Which reach down to their belly

Sloppy untrimmed sideboards
Loose moustaches falling
Some from flaring nostrils
It really is appalling

Facial fuzz and shadow
Seem to be the link
Then they always pull the birds
It really makes you think

Just look at David Beckham
And others of his ilk
Some with chins like badger’s arses
Others like combed silk

I really blame the female sex
For putting up with this
Do they enjoy a facial scrub
Each time they get a kiss ?

No doubt it’s down to fashion
But it moves me near to tears
To see what looks like pubic hair
Sprouting from their ears

It started with the Muslims
Or maybe with the Sikhs
But lately every other man
Has whiskers on his cheeks

Maybe it’s an age thing
I fear I’ll hear you groan
Tomorrow I’ll find something else
On which to have a moan.

Alan Parry-Booth...............................September 2015.