Analysis of Shotgun Trigger Memories

Im on the edge of tears with this fear of losing everything I revered. My life is a shallow pit of self loathing. Reloading events from my life like a shotgun blast through my mind. As I sit and pick out the pellets each one reminding me of a  certain moment in life. I get them all out down to the last one. I stare at it, study the marks and pain it has caused me then I say this is your fault. You have caused every bit of pain in my moment and life. You are what has caused me to pull this trigger and unload these thoughts in my head. Im walking closer to this edge, think I might jump off and shatter my life but I remember that's what you did and you have nothing. Not one kid who respects you for anything.  Not one grandchild who even knows you! Id say were better off without you.  Thank you for being a peice of shit.  My brain has now grown bigger thanks to this trigger.