Analysis of Phrenology
William Schwenck Gilbert 1836 – 1911
"COME, collar this bad man -
Around the throat he knotted me
Till I to choke began -
In point of fact, garotted me!"
So spake SIR HERBERT WRITE
To JAMES, Policeman Thirty-two -
All ruffled with his fight
SIR HERBERT was, and dirty too.
Policeman nothing said
(Though he had much to say on it),
But from the bad man's head
He took the cap that lay on it.
"No, great SIR HERBERT WHITE -
Impossible to take him up.
This man is honest quite -
Wherever did you rake him up?
"For Burglars, Thieves, and Co.,
Indeed, I'm no apologist,
But I, some years ago,
Assisted a Phrenologist.
"Observe his various bumps,
His head as I uncover it:
His morals lie in lumps
All round about and over it."
"Now take him," said SIR WHITE,
"Or you will soon be rueing it;
Bless me! I must be right, -
I caught the fellow doing it!"
Policeman calmly smiled,
"Indeed you are mistaken, sir,
You're agitated - riled -
And very badly shaken, sir.
"Sit down, and I'll explain
My system of Phrenology,
A second, please, remain" -
(A second is horology).
Policeman left his beat -
(The Bart., no longer furious,
Sat down upon a seat,
Observing, "This is curious!")
"Oh, surely, here are signs
Should soften your rigidity:
This gentleman combines
Politeness with timidity.
"Of Shyness here's a lump -
A hole for Animosity -
And like my fist his bump
Of Impecuniosity.
"Just here the bump appears
Of Innocent Hilarity,
And just behind his ears
Are Faith, and Hope, and Charity.
He of true Christian ways
As bright example sent us is -
This maxim he obeys,
'SORTE TUA CONTENTUS SIS.'
"There, let him go his ways,
He needs no stern admonishing."
The Bart., in blank amaze,
Exclaimed, "This is astonishing!
"I MUST have made a mull,
This matter I've been blind in it:
Examine, please, MY skull,
And tell me what you find in it."
That Crusher looked, and said,
With unimpaired urbanity,
"SIR HERBERT, you've a head
That teems with inhumanity.
"Here's Murder, Envy, Strife
(Propensity to kill any),
And Lies as large as life,
And heaps of Social Villany.
"Here's Love of Brand-New Clothes,
Embezzling - Arson - Deism -
A taste for Slang and Oaths,
And Fraudulent Trusteeism.
"Here's Love of Groundless Charge -
Here's Malice, too, and Trickery,
Unusually large
Your bump of Pocket-Pickery - "
"Stop!" said the Bart., "my cup
Is full - I'm worse than him in all;
Policeman, take me up -
No doubt I am some criminal!"
That Pleeceman's scorn grew large
(Phrenology had nettled it),
He took that Bart. in charge -
I don't know how they settled it.
Scheme | ABAB CDCD EFEF CGCG HXHC IFIF CFCF JKJK LMLM NONO PBPB QBQC RBRB SXSX STST UFUF ECEB VBVA WXWB MBMK GXGU MFMF |
---|---|
Poetic Form | Quatrain (86%) |
Metre | 110111 01011101 111101 011111 111101 11010101 110111 11010101 010101 11111111 110111 11011111 111101 01001111 111101 01011111 110101 01110100 111101 01001 0111001 11110101 110101 11010101 111111 1111111 111111 11010101 010101 01110101 11001 01010101 110101 11011 010101 01011 010111 01110100 110101 01011100 110111 11010100 110001 01010100 110101 0110100 011111 11 110101 11000100 010111 11010100 111101 11010111 110101 1111 111111 11110100 010101 01110100 111101 11011101 010111 01111101 110101 1011 110101 11100100 110101 01001110 011111 011101 111111 010010100 011101 01001 111101 11010100 01001 111101 110111 11111101 010111 11111100 11111 11101 111101 11111101 |
Closest metre | Iambic trimeter |
Characters | 2,426 |
Words | 466 |
Sentences | 31 |
Stanzas | 22 |
Stanza Lengths | 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4 |
Lines Amount | 88 |
Letters per line (avg) | 21 |
Words per line (avg) | 5 |
Letters per stanza (avg) | 85 |
Words per stanza (avg) | 21 |
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Submitted on May 13, 2011
Modified on March 13, 2023
- 2:21 min read
- 72 Views
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"Phrenology" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem-analysis/41257/phrenology>.
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