Analysis of Feelings of despair

Why do I hurt when I having been working on myself?
I wish I could put my feelings in a closed box on the shelf,
The weight of the pain is like the anchor of a ship,
Self sabotage with the drinks and the smoke is a temporary trip,
Just numb my pain and dry my tears,
Do something to save me from my fears,
Free my mind from this feeling of despair,
All these thoughts, I wish I did not care;
The damage is done, there is no going back,
I need a break, cut me some slack,
To close my eyes for a very long time,
Wishing for eternal peace is not a crime…