Analysis of John

I saw your old friend, John, in the paper today.
Do you remember John?
He was the one who used garden tools
to strike Daddy at your 6th birthday party
when Daddy transformed into an inflated dinosaur
while his Lawyer mom and Cop dad
continued to drink beer and socialize.

Do you remember how John’s parents
would complain about his teachers
calling home too much and that it must mean
his teachers were incompetent?
Or the time John sweetly asked us to lie
about storing Halloween candy in our basement?
I believe he used the phrase
"No one would ever need to know."

As I was cleaning out the basement today
I found the other half of John’s candy.
Should we send it to him
as a congratulatory gesture
on becoming the new school board president?