Listen, Elaine!

Listen, Elaine.  Tho' I'm not mad on racing,
I like a little flutter now and then;
But I maintain you would not be disgracing
The family, or look like some old hen
If you just wore - Now, just a minute, please!
That pinkish frock - No, wait!  Let me explain.
That pinkish frock with spots - You wouldn't freeze!
You've got your furs.  Aw, listen, please, Elaine!

Now, look.  We've twenty pounds.  Don't let us quarrel.
(Surely we can be sane and quite grown-up).
If you take most of that, what of the 'moral'
That Percy Podgrass gave us for the Cup?
Of course he's sure to win.  What are vain dresses
Compared - My dear!  I did not call you vain!
Nor selfish either.  Gosh!  What married messes
Start over clothes, and - Listen, please, Elaine.

We're partners, aren't we?  Well, then, listen, darling.
We might discuss this calmly, don't you think?
Now!  Please be sensible ... I am not snarling!
Rubbish!  Of course, you do look nice in pink.
I always thought that spotted pink looked dandy,
And comfy, too.  Supposing it should rain.
Nice sight you'd look in - What's it called - organdie ...
I was not wishing - Listen, please!  Elaine!

Women just dress to spite some other tabby.
Who said you were a cat?  One moment, pet.
Of course, I wouldn't have my wife look shabby.
Take what you need.  We'll make a smaller bet ...
Eight - ten - twelve quid!  Whew!  Not much left for betting.
Still, just a flutter and expenses ... What?
Listen, Elaine.  What could I be forgetting?
Hat?  Stockings?  Shoes to match? ... Here!
Take the lot!