Somewhere...in this irreversible time...

Some Qualifier Notes For Brigid (Brigid on my mind…)
I am, at this point
At a loss of words
I have been muted
But my love for her
Continues strong
God tell me, please I beg Thee:
Where is she?
The love of my life
The beauty I've so dreamed of
Day and Night
I dream of her
I live for her
My Heart beats for her
I know she refutes my every thought of her
She distances herself
From me
I cannot even show to her
That I
I am with my every cell
Her property.
When I eat cereal
Or whether I sip on coffee
Everything I do
To keep my mind off her
I just can't. Can't stop thinking of her…
Cannot take my mind
Off my pretty baby
Who's out there in this life
Living a so orthogonal destiny
from mine.
But why?
Why was it meant to be this way
She - thinking of me as an undeserving bastard
Who so deserves her every
Shunning that she could together muster.
For our thoughts do intersect
Quite a bit
I know this for a fact - that she dreams of me
And I of her.
Her heart flutters every few moments or so
When Brigid thinks of me
I'd like to think so
But perhaps when she thinks of me
She does not see Prince Rainier
Much younger one when he married his sweetheart American actress
And raised a family in far away Monaco,
She instead thinks of me of some hapless, middle-aged guy
Who's got no girlfriend, no life
And he deserves to be ridiculed and hated
For his secluded life.
Whichever way you think of me my dear Brigid
I don't care - I know you most probably think I'm too old or
Too feeble
For your attention.

Alas but I know that there is a link between us
Some kind of common denominator in both of our thoughts
That while you may think evil of me
I think God - The Good Guy -
Brought you to interesect with my life.
That you won't speak to me
Or will want to avoid me in your earnest…
Are indeed your thoughts about me
This disheveling
Like some homeless guy who so badly needs
A haircut?
I know you're a good kiddo
Parents raised you well - you're caring, you're respectful
So instead of us being together…seems like it's an unlikely event on this planet this century we have been put on … instead
We avoid one another
Good replacement to not being together
Having coffee
Chatting about this and that
The other
Instead we like to distance ourselves and be this disconnected
When we could have been so intertwined - not only in thought
But also in person intersected.
Pardon my blabbing on this poetry website Brigid,
But is it OK with you if I
Hold your hand
Tenderly
While I talk to you
Even though I am with you
Just in thought…
But not in front of you
Or nowhere near you…
Oh Brigid, please let me dream
That we could share
A few laughs together
That I talk and talk to you
And you actively listen and laugh at my dull DAD jokes
At least you can act that you indeed enjoy my company
At least you can act that you enjoy spending time with hapless me
Yes - you can act
Because in reality you don't even have to do anything about it; not even be with me
Not even think about me - that I miss you dearly and you downright refuse me
To Be
Near Thee,
So yes, Brigid I really like talking to the Goddess
Even though I'm staring at an empy wall
But whose projection shows your every gesture of your pretty face
Showing all sorts of emotions: frowning, smiling, contorting your mouth in disgust
When I narrate some off the wall
Puzzling news I had heard of some newsworthy disaster
And Wanted to share for … pure…
Small Talk banter?
I know you'll think and say I'm crazy
Ok - I admit I've fallen for you
To the point where I am crazy
But just for you.
But please let me envision a future with my wife
Brigid
Who loves and supports me back
I have no knack
For Big Words
I am just … forever lost
In your blue eyes
I see oceans that are keeping us so far, so distant
Ok - but when I think of you
When it's almost every hour, minute second
Of the time I breathe
So in spite of the oceans I see in your eyes
Yet you are close to me
So let me, allow me please
To have a conversation with thee...
I recognize your voice - it's so crystal-like
My ears' and brain's recording systems can never forget
Your low-frequency female voice
You've conquered my mind with
That's it: you own me,
You've conquered my every single cell I'm made of
And you didn't even pay for it - it's as if
You felt you were entitled to me
And you set your foot - the one that was once upon a time
Hurt
But now its heel is gnawing at my heart in jest
To make sure your property does not get any rest…
Just pain for not being around you, my love
The only allaying thought for me is that
I can at least imagine speaking to you … or your imaginary, egotistic self.

Whilst you think I'm crazy, I've gone mad
I don't care what you think of me…
Who cares? I fell in love with Brigid.
And she thinks of me, I'm aware of that
But I want her to think of me in nice, positive terms
As in boy meets girl
And things develop so naturally
While both civil, we can sort things out
I love you but you don't love me
Ok - but can't two adults meet for a cup of coffee?
Starbucks…some coffee shop
We talk and talk
Then we depart
And it will be up to you if you want to call again
For I won't call back.
To be interpreted: Bogdan does not want to disturb Brigid
If that's what she wants…
But if Brigid wants to reach out to Slavonic-named Bogdan
She's free to do so - All I can hope for is…
That the epilogue will not be
Like in that Old Classic Movie:
"Splendor in The Grass."

I want it more to be - and it's very likely to turn out this way
Now with the current data presented as such,
More like Christopher Reeve chasing a chimera
In
"Somewhere in Time"
("Reeve plays Richard Collier, a playwright who becomes obsessed with a photograph of a young woman at the Grand Hotel.
Through self-hypnosis, he travels back in time to the year 1912 to find love with actress Elise McKenna")
Strange how my mother really loved this "Irish Guy" Reeve
Even if we (my Family and I) are not Irish,
You are
And perhaps that
Is another reason why
You won't want me nearby.

(Or in your Life at all - I am not one of your kind).
And theretofore,
I don't QUALIFY,
But only for regarding me
With
Your utmost despise!
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Submitted on March 08, 2020

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Nobody Nose

19th Century Poet turned mathematician when his love interest dumped him, bereft of any reasons for her departure from his soul. more…

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"Somewhere...in this irreversible time..." Poetry.net. STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 7 Jul 2020. <https://www.poetry.net/poem/52790/somewhere...in-this-irreversible-time...>.

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