Pleasant dreams out of reach

Thoughts keep pounding in my head...
All alone, broken, no grounding...
Everything solid floating away, I'm drowning...
Pushing past the pain & fear with no one near...
Heart is pounding...
SILENCE!!!
Muscles in my chest...
Nothing ever at rest...
Loathing the days of present, penniless days are far too prevalent...
Standing motionless wishing for home...
All others unknowing of how far I'm willing to roam...
Wanting more Pleasant moments...
Playing games, or going through the motions...
Differences meaning little...
Much... meaningful... Contemplation...
Storms of thoughts running through my mind, heart, and soul...
Am I asking too much or too little?
How am I not reaching my goals?
These thoughts are still resounding..
When will it ever stop?
Fast forward a few years
These thoughts their still pounding...
Pounding in my head alone, broken, no grounding...
My heart hurts, it's heavy but still pounding...
Gotta get some movement going...
This deadlock it's confounding...
Gripping round my neck and stifling my marrow...
Is it just me or is the room becoming narrow?
Boxed in airless & cramped...
Heart still pounding and now I’m Counting the beats per second as a melody plays in my head trying to repose this pusillanimity...
These thoughts in my head I'm scared, but I’m not dead...
The pain in my chest caused by years of debasement, feels like I’ve been locked up in a basement... Where did your conscience go?
You made this, the bearing you had on my life is consequential...
It's shattered...
And now I'm stuck picking up the pieces...
You made this...