Never Strong enough

The ice cold blade
Running across my skin
Sending chills down my spine
Crimson blood runs down my skin
Dripping down
Drop by drop to the floor below me
My vision gets blurry
The room goes dark
My heart's pounding of out my chest
I wake up later on
Feeling tired and confused
I clean my mess and run to my room
Hide in my bed, my fortress of solitude
Mom's calling me
My brains pounding in my head
I get up and put on a smile
To hide what I've done
Because she can't know
SHE WON'T KNOW
It'd kill her to see my scars
If she found out it tear her apart
She'd send me away
So I could "Get help"
But those people wouldn't understand
They don't know me
They don't know what I've been through
They don't know
What I've seen
What I've done
They wouldn't care about me
Not in the same way " She" did
She understood me
She loved me
She was there for me
She made me happy when I was sad
But she is gone now
She left me
Now I'm alone
With nothing
With no one
To comfort me
To tell me that it's gonna be alright
To hold me when I needed it the most
I said now that she's gone who will love me
Now that she's gone I have no life
Now that she's gone there is no light
Maybe she caused all of this
Maybe she's reason for my pain
Maybe it was her
That ruined my life
Stole my heart and stepped on it
But enough about her
She's no longer my problem
It's these scars
How do I hide them
What can I say?
To make things seem okay
What can I do
To make no one notice what I've done
Maybe the answer lays in my hand
One last time
One final cut
To end it all
One more time
And it would all be okay
Then no one could have anything to say
But no
I can't do that
I won't do that
Because my new love
Accepts me for who I am
She doesn't judge
She doesn't ridicule
Because she knows my pain
She's been where I've been
Seen what I've seen
Done what I've done
She is
My inspiration
She is
My motivation
She is
The light of my day
She is
The light that shows me the way
 She stopped with this madness long ago
She defeated her demons
So why can't I do the same
Maybe I don't want to
Maybe I'm in too deep
Maybe I'm stuck for life
But that doesn't matter
Because she accepts me
She loves me
For who I am
So for her
I will put on a smile
For her
I would do anything.
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Submitted on January 16, 2018

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Kevin Ryan Murray

I am an African- American poet who has just started to write again. more…

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"Never Strong enough" Poetry.net. STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 7 Jul 2020. <https://www.poetry.net/poem/46521/never-strong-enough>.

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