Poetry of a catastrophe

I'm falling, but don't think I can get up.
I'm not in water, but I'm definitely drowning.
I'm alive but just how much living am I doing?
We're all gonna die one day, but some people say it's not about where you're going, it's about the journey.
But what does it mean if that journey is filled with thunderstorms and mistakes. What if that journey began as a mistake anyway?

I might have a family that loves me but how can they really love me through the tears i caused them to shed those many, many times.
What's life without love but what about when the one you love may not love you back anymore.
What then?

"Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die",
The thing is though, I do,
And can I really get to heaven if I do it?