Confessions of a potential wife beater

CONFESSIONS OF A POTENTIAL WIFE BEATER.

I think I ought to beat my wife
No, I don’t mean every week
Please don’t think me vicious
I assure you, I’m no freak.

Lots of husbands have this problem
From Paisley down to Penge
So this time I’m determined
To whip up my revenge.

We’ve been married nearly sixty years
And we make an ideal team
But if I could whack her now and then
It would fulfill my dream.

She knows she has it coming
I’ve threatened her for years
But unless I play my cards right
This could all end in tears.

So I’ll set it up for Saturday
After we’ve enjoyed the pasta
I’ll get her on the table
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And thrash her at CANASTA.

Alan Parry-Booth............27th November 2015