How Bateese Came Home

1     W'en I was young boy on de farm, dat 's twenty year ago
2     I have wan frien' he 's leev near me, call Jean Bateese Trudeau
3     An offen w'en we are alone, we lak for spik about
4     De tam w'en we was come beeg man, wit' moustache on our mout'.

5     Bateese is get it on hees head, he 's too moche educate
6     For mak' de habitant farmerre--he better go on State--
7     An' so wan summer evening we 're drivin' home de cow
8     He 's tole me all de whole beez-nesse--jus' lak you hear me now.

9     'W'at 's use mak' foolish on de farm? dere 's no good chances lef'
10   An' all de tam you be poor man--you know dat 's true you'se'f;
11   We never get no fun at all--don't never go on spree
12   Onless we pass on 'noder place, an' mak' it some monee.

13   'I go on Les Etats Unis, I go dere right away
14   An' den mebbe on ten-twelve year, I be riche man some day,
15   An' w'en I mak' de large fortune, I come back I s'pose
16   Wit' Yankee famme from off de State, an' monee on my clothes.

17   'I tole you somet'ing else also--mon cher Napoleon
18   I get de grande majorité, for go on parliament
19   Den buil' fine house on borde l'eau--near w'ere de church is stand
20   More finer dan de Presbytere, w'en I am come riche man!'

21   I say 'For w'at you spik lak dat? you must be gone crazee
22   Dere 's plaintee feller on de State, more smarter dan you be,
23   Beside she 's not so healtee place, an' if you mak' l'argent,
24   You spen' it jus' lak Yankee man, an' not lak habitant.

25   'For me Bateese! I tole you dis: I 'm very satisfy--
26   De bes' man don't leev too long tam, some day Ba Gosh! he die--
27   An' s'pose you got good trotter horse, an' nice famme Canadienne
28   Wit' plaintee on de house for eat--W'at more you want ma frien'?'

29   But Bateese have it all mak' up, I can't stop him at all
30   He 's buy de seconde classe tiquette, for go on Central Fall--
31   An' wit' two-t'ree some more de boy,--w'at t'ink de sam' he do
32   Pass on de train de very nex' wick, was lef' Rivière du Loup.

33   Wall! mebbe fifteen year or more, since Bateese go away
34   I fin' mesef Rivière du Loup, wan cole, cole winter day
35   De quick express she come hooraw! but stop de soon she can
36   An' beeg swell feller jomp off car, dat 's boss by n*gger man.

37   He 's dressim on de première classe, an' got new suit of clothes
38   Wit' long moustache dat 's stickim out, de 'noder side hees nose
39   Fine gol' watch chain--nice portmanteau--an' long, long overcoat
40   Wit' beaver hat--dat 's Yankee style--an' red tie on hees t'roat--

41   I say 'Helloe Bateese! Hello! Comment ça va mon vieux?'
42   He say 'Excuse to me, ma frien' I t'ink I don't know you.'
43   I say, 'She 's very curis t'ing, you are Bateese Trudeau,
44   Was raise on jus' sam' place wit' me, dat 's fifteen year ago?'

45   He say, 'Oh yass dat 's sure enough--I know you now firs' rate,
46   But I forget mos' all ma French since I go on de State.
47   Dere 's 'noder t'ing kip on your head, ma frien' dey mus' be tole
48   Ma name 's Bateese Trudeau no more, but John B. Waterhole!'

49   'Hole on de water 's' fonny name for man w'at 's call Trudeau
50   Ma frien's dey all was spik lak dat, an' I am tole heem so--
51   He say 'Trudeau an' Waterhole she 's jus' about de sam'
52   An' if you go for leev on State, you must have Yankee nam'.'

53   Den we invite heem come wit' us, 'Hotel du Canadaw'
54   W'ere he was treat mos' ev'ry tam, but can't tak' w'isky blanc,
55   He say dat 's leetle strong for man jus' come off Central Fall
56   An' 'tabac Canayen' bedamme! he won't smoke dat at all!--

57   But fancy drink lak 'Collins John' de way he put it down
58   Was long tam since I don't see dat--I t'ink he 's goin' drown!--
59   An' fine cigar cos' five cent each, an' mak' on Trois-Rivières
60   L'enfant! he smoke beeg pile of dem--for monee he don't care!

61   I s'pose meseff it 's t'ree o'clock w'en we are t'roo dat night
62   Bateese, hees fader come for heem, an' tak' heem home all right
63   De ole man say Bateese spik French, w'en he is place on bed--
64   An' say bad word--but w'en he wake--forget it on hees head--

65   Wall! all de winter w'en we have soirée dat 's grande affaire
66   Bateese Trudeau, dit Waterhole, he be de boss man dere--
67   You bet he have beeg tam, but w'en de spring is come encore
68   He 's buy de première classe tiquette for go on State some more.

69   You 'member w'en de hard tam come on Les Etats Unis
70   An' plaintee Canayens go back for stay deir own cont